Here we go again

Close up 2
Originally uploaded by Lori Lyra

Okay, I am trying this again. For the umpteenth time. I was reading over the old recent blogs and I thought I had managed to capture my thoughts pretty well-for me. And a lot of spiritual/Buddhist thoughts have been running through my noggin and I thought I would like to write them down.
Over the past weekend, I had planned a solo getaway. Just me and the mountains. How much was I looking forward to it! I hadn't planned anything because it was just me, I would do whatever I felt like when it struck me. There were a couple of things I had in mind, though. Hike 2 trails, one of which leads to a fantastic overlook on a cliff. Sit on that cliff for an hour or two just thinking and meditating. I am the mountain sort of meditation. Sit on the balcony of my room and think some more in the evening. Stop by the gift shop and pick up a book or two on the park and whatever else tickled my fancy.
So a dear friend of mine called me just as I was gassing up the car to get out of town. This friend is going through a truly bad time right now so before I could think twice, I asked him to come with me and he agreed. Hmm, this has the potential to be a long story. The short version is, since I had nothing planned we did something that he wanted to do but I could have cared less about. And since we did that, by the time I got to the gift shop it was closed. Oh man! Was I upset! Typically over reaction by me when things don't go my way. Craving and attachment.
I had done so well being unattached to the idea of a solo trip that I wasn't upset that my friend was with me. He needs help and I want to help. We talked and talked about his problems. I can only hope and pray that I gave him some peace by getting away from the situation for 36 hours. But in that instant when I pulled on the gift shop door and it was locked, all of my unattachment flew out the window in a black haze. I just wanted to blame my friend. If we hadn't done what he wanted to do, I could have made it to the gift shop. It took a good hour to shake that thinking. The strings of my craving had pulled me up hard. It was really kind of interesting listening to myself first try to justify my anger and then try to talk myself out of it. Oh the conversation in my brain for an hour! I wish I could have recorded it so that I could listen to it now.
It is hard work, talking myself out of those states of mind when they fall over me. But each time it is getting easier to come out of it. To let go of my preconceptions, my plans, my idea of how my day should be. I wouldn't go back and rescind my invitation to my friend so that I could go to the store-he clearly needed to get away as much as I did and he has more pressing needs. We talked dharma, karma, relationships, and attachments and it is clear that we both still have much to learn. And I would just like to say to the universe, the gods, buddhas and boddhisattvas, guides and gurus:
Thank you for the opportunity to practice.