In the moment

Gold Stars
Originally uploaded by Lori Lyra

Learning to live in the moment is such an important skill. It has come back to my attention, how important it is, because I am worried about my cat. I have had Silly, my cat, since junior year of college and for most of the years of her life I have not had the money to take care of her properly. By which I mean yearly veterinary visits. Now she is older, overweight and seems to have a skin irritation so I am going to take her to the vet-hopefully they will give me some good ideas on how to put her on a diet. I have tried on my own but it has not been successful. Okay, wait, I am getting off topic. I fear taking her to the vet. Making this decision was very hard and involved some tears. I am afraid they are going to tell me something is very wrong with her. I know I don't have much time left with my Silly bug, we all know that death is coming to part us from our loved ones. But since I have made this decision to take her to the vet, when I look at her all I see is her impending departure and I get so upset. So I keep having to remind myself that she is not gone yet. She is right here and I need to enjoy this time, this moment, together and not look forward to the unhappy time that is in some unknown future. This is where I am bringing the suffering upon myself. Ah yes, the Four Noble Truths. I see them perfectly in my own life. And at least I can recognize that I am doing this to myself, I am making myself upset and sad. I need to stay in the moment and enjoy this time. Sure it can be wistful and tinged with sadness because I know what will happen eventually. But I can't live in that future that hasn't even happened yet. I can't fear this trip to the vet because my mind is concocting all sorts of things wrong with my pet that I simply don't know are true. Our minds are powerful tools that can create things with our thoughts. I do not want to make those awful things come true. I have to control that fear and not let it rule me. Especially because going to the vet is the right thing to do. I have a responsibility to my cat that I can't push aside because of something that might not happen. In this moment, we are both alive and together and her purr comforts me more than I can ever say.